Explaining My Depression To My Mother

Explaining my depression to my mother

As a child, I find it hard explaining my depression to my mother. Why? Because there are days when I feel sad for nothing, there are days when I don’t know how to simply get up from my bed and start the day; there are times when even I don’t know what is going on inside of me. When my mother sees me in such a state, she gets worried about me. How badly I want to share it with a person who supports me endlessly, and at the same time, I don’t want her to get anxious.

I get fueled with a hundred questions in my mind – what if she doesn’t understand? What if she doesn’t acknowledge what I’m going through? What to do if, instead of supporting me, she doesn’t have the courage to be the support I need?

No matter how many questions pop up in my already depressed mind, there is one thing I know for sure – she is the person I can trust the most. She is the one who will love me unconditionally for who I am, and this is a reason enough for explaining my depression to my mother.

How To Explaining My Depression To My Mother

When Do I Tell Her?

There is no best time or the most “suitable” hour of the day, when I am going to explain my depression to my mother, but certain times are more suitable. I need to find a comfortable spot with no distractions or time limitations around myself – maybe, going for a walk in the park or sitting on a couch when no one else is near will be a great idea to start the conversation. Maybe, it will be good to take her into my confidence and start the conversation as honest as I can be.

Picking the morning time when everything is in a state of rush and the “morning frustration” is already at the peak isn’t the right option. Maybe, picking evening over morning is better when I have the time to discuss other things while we are having a meal and she doesn’t have any deadlines to meet for the day.

It might be good to tell her in advance, that I would like to tell her something personal, which is bothering me, and ask her, when is the best time for her to talk. That I find it difficult to cope with life and my feelings and I would like to open up and share it with her. It could be good if I just inform her without scaring her, and make sure we find a time which suits us both.

How Do I Start it?

But before that, I need to understand what I am feeling about myself. I need to be aware of my ongoing emotions so I can take a deep breath and start thinking about the ways I give in to my feelings of hopelessness, despair, and emptiness. Firstly, I need to write the feelings I am going through so I can explain to her in a better way as I decide to sit with my mother.

I would open up by acknowledging her patience and devotion for whatever she has endured about me. I will tell her how sorry I feel for hurting her with my choices and my ways, and I will try to tell her I want to improve my state, and it doesn’t mean that depression is my “shelter” for being the way I am. It is just an obstacle I want to get rid of, and I want you to help me out of this. In fact, this is my first step to recovery, and you listening and acknowledging me is the pat in the back I need.

How Will She Perceive it?

I know that any kind of reaction can come from my mother as she is a human with her own perspective built around things. Therefore, I must be prepared for every circumstance, but starting the conversation like that will let me become vulnerable to her in a safe way. When I acknowledge her care that way, there would be a lesser chance of her getting offended or not feeling enough for her child. I must also know that all her answers as I talk her through my feelings are directed towards help. Being a problem-solver, she wants to be as efficient as she can to solve my issues.

The Conversation Blueprint

So, the conversation can go something like this:

Me: “Mom, when I say I am depressed, it took me a lot of courage to come here and share it, because when you are depressed, your mind is in a constant battle state to close itself within a box.”

Mom: “What do you feel?” “What makes you say so?”

Me: “I try to drag myself out of my bed, but I cannot see any possibility of going through the day. I want to stay inside my room and reject any invites or calls I receive. Even brushing my hair and washing my face becomes the largest achievement I would ever have in days.”

Mom: “Try to stay positive about life. You can hang out with your friends. Try to eat healthy. Sleep on time, if you exercise enough you will get a good night’s sleep that will reduce your depression.”

Me: “Depression makes me feel everything is impossible. It constantly drives me to do the opposite of what you are telling me to do. Every time I give myself two reasons to go on, it comes back with twenty to not go on. This internal battle has made me so tired.”

Mom: “Maybe try to keep yourself busy.”

Me: “Yes, there are days when I try keeping myself super busy just so I can get rid of the voices inside my head that put me down. But these distractions are so immense they make me crash down even more with no energy left inside me.”

The Help Is Near

There will be a point when my mother and I come on the same page; this will be the point where explaining my depression to my mother will help me out. I must understand that when I am talking about myself that way, I am not selfish, but I am helping her as well. As she listens and gives me a lead, such as going for therapy, it will help strengthen our bond. Also, it would be helpful in giving her the chance to heal the wounds she might get as she tried to fix things, and I didn’t let her through my behavior and actions.

Nowadays it is easier to find a therapist, a certified professional, who is available online via the Internet compared to getting an appointment with a local therapist face to face. It is also a less of a hurdle to make this kind of first step to start with online help – online therapy first.

Another thing a person can try is to listen to self-hypnosis audio files for example in the evening to attempt to reprogram or teach the mind something beneficial and make the subconscious mind automatically come up with better thoughts on its own. If done over a longer period such as 30 days on a daily basis, a more permanent change, a new normal may start to emerge. Definitely something to consider. Most people fail (give up too soon) whether it is a new diet, exercising, or something else not because the method or approach doesn’t work, but they don’t give it enough time. We live in a world, which requires repetition. Whatever you are doing, give it more time to see results.

Being and staying healthy physically, emotionally and mentally requires taking care of a multitude of things, not just one single thing. Here are a few examples:

  • changing your diet (you can consult a nutritionist for advice) – the idea is to give the body what it needs and remove that which is a burden for it, make the physical body happy and having more energy available thanks to the right food
  • finding a new hobby you fall in love with and you genuinely suddenly love doing it and look forward doing it (this may mean trying out several different new things until you find one which is special for you and makes you feel good emotions you don’t feel with other activities)
  • reducing Internet usage, substituting with reading books, walking in nature, doing something which requires expressing your own stream of creativity

You can find much more advice that is helpful in the free e-book: Quest for a depression-free life, a practical guidebook

Sometimes just one new thing, one good advice can make a huge positive change in one’s life. This e-book is full of advice, contains also less known approaches, and it may change your life to the better.